


do not stand at my grave and weep

by running_through_stars



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dreams and Nightmares, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, but heavy on the hurt and light on the comfort, i like seeing the comedic relief in pain I'm sorry, no beta we die like essi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28866429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/running_through_stars/pseuds/running_through_stars
Summary: dandelion gets to spend one last day with essior: dandelion dreams that essi is alive again, but he doesn't realize it is a dream until it's too late.
Relationships: Essi Daven & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	do not stand at my grave and weep

**Author's Note:**

> title and the lines "do not stand at my grave and weep, for i am not there" are from the poem of the same name by mary elizabeth fryre

Dandelion opened his eyes to see golden hair cascading towards his face. Sapphire blue eyes stared down at him as he stirred, his head resting on the person’s lap. Nimble fingers carded through his hair, softly scratching at his scalp and twisting the strands. Dandelion hummed in appreciation as his eyes fluttered closed again. 

“Wake up, sleepy head!” giggled a high pitched voice. “You fell asleep on me an hour ago.” Dandelion’s eyes shot open and made contact with the startling blue eyes once again. He could recognize that voice anywhere. 

“Poppet?” 

Essi Daven scoffed. “I thought I told you to stop calling me that! We’re not children anymore, Dandelion.” 

Dandelion shifted so he could sit up and look her in the eyes. Well, eye. When she lifted her head, her wavy blond hair covered half her face, leaving one stunning blue eye. Essi raised an eyebrow and Dandelion realized he was staring. 

“Sorry Essi, I…” he wracked his brain for the right words to say. It wasn't often that the poet was at a loss for words. “For some reason, I feel as if I haven’t seen you in years. Decades, even. An odd trick of the mind, eh?”

Essi gave a sad smile, but didn’t respond. Dandelion took the opportunity to survey his surroundings and remind himself of where he was. Immediately, he found his feathered hat lying beside him and propped the hat back on his head. He couldn’t find his lute, but Essi didn’t have hers either, so he assumed they had been put somewhere safe. They were sitting in a patch of grass just outside of a busy marketplace. Nearby vendors were selling many delights, such as pastries, jewelry, clothing, and of course, alcohol. He vaguely remembered traveling here with Essi earlier in the day, but his memory was incredibly fuzzy. Perhaps he had drank too much alcohol, he surmised. It would explain why he fell asleep in broad daylight. 

“I see you’re eyeing the market already,” said Essi, breaking his train of thought. “See anything you’d like? I have some extra coin for both of us if you need it.”

Dandelion hummed in affirmation. “I see a beautiful collection of jewelry near the pastry section.” He stood up and held out a hand to his companion. “Would you care to come with me, Little Eye?” 

Essi laughed and took his hand. “How could I say no?” 

They walked leisurely towards the market, knowing they were in no rush whatsoever. 

While Essi went to find more of her favorite verbena perfume, Dandelion eyed the jewelry he had spotted earlier. Perhaps they would make a good gift for Essi, he thought. The merchant sold gorgeous rings and necklaces with many beautiful gems and stones. He paused on a gorgeous sapphire necklace wrapped in thin wire. With a snort, he realized Essi would say it was too gaudy. A shame, really. 

A moment before he was about to leave in search of another stand, he glimpsed a simple pearl necklace hanging away from the others, clearly out of place among the dazzling crystals. Dandelion froze. Something was wrong with that necklace. So, so, wrong. He took a hesitant step forward and picked up the necklace to get a closer look. There was a metal design surrounding the pearl that resembled a flower or a star. The chain it hung on was lightweight, but sturdy. He knew he had seen this before, but where? 

Dandelion felt a soft tap on his shoulder and whirled around to find Essi grinning and holding a small bottle of the perfume she’d bought. Blood drained from his face. _That necklace had belonged to Essi._ He wasn’t sure how he knew, he just did. 

“I finally found my perfume, I’m sorry it took me so long! Are you buying jewelry for a new maiden you bedded? Or perhaps a gift to calm her angry husband?” Essi laughed. 

Dandelion only stood frozen in place as memories came rushing back to him. _The pyres. I carried her past the pyres. Into the woods. And I… oh._

Essi’s face quickly turned worried. “Dandelion? Is everything alright?”

“Essi… I buried you,” he spoke softly, his voice cracking. He held up the necklace and watched her eyes grow wide. “You should be dead. You are dead. What’s this, then? Am I on my deathbed, talking to myself in a fit of madness? Or are you a doppler praying on my most painful secrets?” he sneered. 

Essi’s eyes immediately welled up with tears as she gently bit her lip. “You think I am a doppler? Is this not real enough for you?” She got no response other than a suspicious glare. She continued, “No matter. You’re dreaming. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you, I thought if I could have one last day with you, we could both rest easy. I’m sorry for ruining that.”

Dandelion stared at her, no longer angry. “We could stay here for a while, just you and I. Why does it matter if I know I am dreaming? I’ll cherish these moments all the same.” 

“No,” Essi said softly and shook her head. “I wanted our last memories to be full of joy. I cannot bear to see you grieve me again.” Her eyes seemed much darker now, reminding him of the lonely ocean. 

Dandelion reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. “Poppet-”

“Listen, please. I know you visit my grave whenever you pass through Vizima. The next time you go, do not stand at my grave and weep, for I am not there. Do you hear me? Promise me you will visit that site no longer.”

Dandelion shook his head fiercely as his tears began to fall. “I can’t, Poppet. I could never stop.”

Essi sniffed, her voice catching in her throat as she pulled her hand away from his. “Dand- Julian. I was so scared to die. Thank you for giving me peace.” She gave him one last smile, although her eyes were red and tears began to spill down her cheeks. “It was good to see you again, Julian. I’ll miss you.” With that, she slowly turned her back and began to walk away.

“No, Poppet, no no no,” Dandelion sobbed. He felt his legs moving on their own accord and running after her. “Essi! Wait! Please, god, don’t leave me again,” he shouted. He sprinted and shouted her name until his knees ached and his lungs burned. “Essi, come back! Essi!” He sprinted past the market and through the town. He ran past pyres and piles of sickly bodies. He ran through the woods, over tree roots and dried-up streams. But no matter how fast he ran, Essi continued to disappear into the horizon. Dandelion tripped on a stone and fell to his knees in agonizing pain, losing sight of her completely.

\---

Dandelion bolted upright in his bedroll with a shout. His cheeks and neck were drenched in tears and he breathed heavily as his dream came rushing back to him. _Essi._ Feeling terribly nauseous, Dandelion leaned over and threw up on the grass beside him. His eyes stung and his chest felt like it might explode with grief and anxiety. 

“Dandelion?” said a familiar gruff voice. Dandelion felt a strong hand on his shoulder and tried to steady his breath. “What’s wrong?”

Dandelion turned to face Geralt. It was clear that he had accidentally woken Geralt up with his shouts. He felt guilty. Doing his best to appear at least partially stable, he opened his mouth to apologize. The lump in his throat stung too much, so he just shook his head. 

Geralt grunted and sat up, moving closer to the bard. Dandelion shrank back, afraid of what was to come, until Geralt pulled him into a tight hug. He stayed still in shock for a moment, before tentatively wrapping his arms around Geralt. 

“You can let it all out,” Geralt murmured. “You’re safe here, no need to pretend.”

And so he did. Dandelion curled his fists into the fabric of Geralt’s shirt, while Geralt used one of his hands to rest softly on Dandelion’s head. His shoulders began to shake once again as fresh tears wet Geralt’s shirt. Whimpers bubbled out of him as he replayed his dream in his head over and over. He was so afraid to forget this memory. So afraid to let Essi disappear. 

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out. He was unsure if he was apologizing to Geralt, Essi, or himself.

“Why did you leave me? _How could you leave me?!_ ” Dandelion screamed at the empty night sky. He knew it was an unfair question. It was disease that had taken Essi, no fault of her own. Nonetheless, waves of grief drowned him, like a wound torn open after years of steady healing. His cold hands tightened on the back of Geralt’s shirt as gasps and sobs violently shook his body. 

Dandelion spent hours crying until he was finally exhausted enough to fall asleep again. Geralt held him the entire time, even through the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> a little sacrifice is my favorite story in the first two witcher books, so i felt obligated to write this. i hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
